Limpet Wars – Limpets Information

Hello, I am a Spanish YouTuber. I want to start doing videos in English, but I am not sure if the following script is well written. I know it’s long, but could you just read it an leave a comment? Something that is grammatically incorrect, an incorrect expression or whatever… THANK YOU!! (I know the text is strange, it will look a lot better in video)
—–

WHO IS CLAUDIA?PERSONAL DIARY

CLAUDIA: Hi, I’m Claudia. You may wonder how I got to where I am today… You know, my natural beauty, my acrylic nails, my stardom… well here comes my secret. I don’t feel it is a secret, though. You be the judge. It all started when I was born.

(flashback)

PAPI: What’s up, honey? What’s uuuup?

MAMI: DO NOT ZOOM IN!!! I’M TELLING YOU, DO NOT ZOOM IN!!!

[…]

CLAUDIA: As a child, I didn’t like going to kindergarten that much.

(flashback)

CLAUDIA: I-DON’T-WANNA-GO-TO-SCHOOL!!!!

CLAUDIA: I was not like normal girls. I was attracted… to other stuff.

miniCLAUDIA: Now, you are the queen (she is painting the lips of a hippo)

MAMI: Claudia, that color is too bold for a hippo!

[…]

CLAUDIA: My childhood wasn’t a bed of roses. Sometimes I had to fight against the thorns of the roses myself…

(flashback)

miniCLAUDIA: Mami, I’m home! Mami! Mami, I want my snack now! Mom?? What are you doing…?

(mami just killed her husband)

Claudia: That was her fifth husband…

MAMI: Oh, nothing, darlin! And now, let me think for a while…

[…]

CLAUDIA: As time passed by, I realized that a rose comes with a thorn, and a lotus grows in a mud slush. When I let the Phoenix inside me rise and arise, I became a bad girl.

(flashback)
MiniCLAUDIA: Wow, look how many friends I got…

offCLAUDIA: My hounds followed me till high school … I always mixed with VIPs.

CLAUDIA: Want a cigarette?

offCLAUDIA: Ever since my teens I’ve been attracted by the fame. That’s why I set up my own band.

CLAUDIA: Hi everyone! We are Claudia’s Limpet and this is our first single (she starts singing)

[…]

CLAUDIA: My maturing phase arrived promptly. There was a time when I thought so hard, that I lost all my hair flora

(flashback)

CLAUDIA: Am I bald? (the mirror answers: You’re asking if you’re bald?)

offCLAUDIA: Moreover, inspiration always came to me at the most inopportune moments

[…]

CLAUDIA: My fashion sense has not always been so refined … To set trends, I had to go through multiple stages and transformations:
Heavy, Hippie, Gaga, Trashy, Military, Tramp, Futuristic, Extraterrestrial…

[…]

CLAUDIA: Before I met my husband, Cloro, there were times when I had doubts about my own sexuality…

CLAUDIA: You want another drink? (she asks another girl)

[…]

CLAUDIA: But my doubts soon disappeared. I met my Cloro thanks to a forum dedicated to the export of Azerbaijani lemons.

(flashback)

offCLAUDIA: As soon as I saw his profile photo, I knew that I wanted to share my lemons with him. He was everything a young lady could possibly dream of:

A shy, romantic dreamer, and a rebel against the reality that had been imposed upon him. My big lemon, longing to be squeezed.
Ready to draw all his juice. Gradually, and to my delight, he opened up to me. That’s when I discovered his unfortunate past.

He never knew his parents. They died in a thermonuclear accident in a country far far far away, when he was very young. Starving and alone, Cloro’s future appeared bleak and hopeless. That changed, however, when one day he was found by a panda, who raised him as his own. Before long, the panda was captured and Cloro was taken to a concentration camp for almond-eyed children.

It was such a stroke of luck that he escaped from there and ended up working in the international export of lemons.
It was Fate that brought us together

CLAUDIA: Moments like that and the birth of my daughter Clorofila have helped my life to make a complete one hundred and eighty degree turn… Farenheit or not farenheit? Oh, come on, don’t make me say this kinda stuff

And now, I’m gonna pray like big stars do: I am a cup, a teapot…

CLOROFILA: That’s nice, mami

CLOROFILA & CLAUDIA: A spoon… and a ladle!

Hello, I am a Spanish YouTuber. I want to start doing videos in English, but I am not sure if the following script is well written. I know it’s long, but could you just read it an leave a comment? Something that is grammatically incorrect, an incorrect expression or whatever… THANK YOU!! (I know the text is strange, it will look a lot better in video)
—–

WHO IS CLAUDIA?PERSONAL DIARY

CLAUDIA: Hi, I’m Claudia. You may wonder how I got to where I am today… You know, my natural beauty, my acrylic nails, my stardom… well here comes my secret. I don’t feel it is a secret, though. You be the judge. It all started when I was born.

(flashback)

PAPI: What’s up, honey? What’s uuuup?

MAMI: DO NOT ZOOM IN!!! I’M TELLING YOU, DO NOT ZOOM IN!!!

[…]

CLAUDIA: As a child, I didn’t like going to kindergarten that much.

(flashback)

CLAUDIA: I-DON’T-WANNA-GO-TO-SCHOOL!!!!

CLAUDIA: I was not like normal girls. I was attracted… to other stuff.

miniCLAUDIA: Now, you are the queen (she is painting the lips of a hippo)

MAMI: Claudia, that color is too bold for a hippo!

[…]

CLAUDIA: My childhood wasn’t a bed of roses. Sometimes I had to fight against the thorns of the roses myself…

(flashback)

miniCLAUDIA: Mami, I’m home! Mami! Mami, I want my snack now! Mom?? What are you doing…?

(mami just killed her husband)

Claudia: That was her fifth husband…

MAMI: Oh, nothing, darlin! And now, let me think for a while…

[…]

CLAUDIA: As time passed by, I realized that a rose comes with a thorn, and a lotus grows in a mud slush. When I let the Phoenix inside me rise and arise, I became a bad girl.

(flashback)
MiniCLAUDIA: Wow, look how many friends I got…

offCLAUDIA: My hounds followed me till high school … I always mixed with VIPs.

CLAUDIA: Want a cigarette?

offCLAUDIA: Ever since my teens I’ve been attracted by the fame. That’s why I set up my own band.

CLAUDIA: Hi everyone! We are Claudia’s Limpet and this is our first single (she starts singing)

[…]

CLAUDIA: My maturing phase arrived promptly. There was a time when I thought so hard, that I lost all my hair flora

(flashback)

CLAUDIA: Am I bald? (the mirror answers: You’re asking if you’re bald?)

offCLAUDIA: Moreover, inspiration always came to me at the most inopportune moments

[…]

CLAUDIA: My fashion sense has not always been so refined … To set trends, I had to go through multiple stages and transformations:
Heavy, Hippie, Gaga, Trashy, Military, Tramp, Futuristic, Extraterrestrial…

[…]

CLAUDIA: Before I met my husband, Cloro, there were times when I had doubts about my own sexuality…

CLAUDIA: You want another drink? (she asks another girl)

[…]

CLAUDIA: But my doubts soon disappeared. I met my Cloro thanks to a forum dedicated to the export of Azerbaijani lemons.

(flashback)

offCLAUDIA: As soon as I saw his profile photo, I knew that I wanted to share my lemons with him. He was everything a young lady could possibly dream of:

A shy, romantic dreamer, and a rebel against the reality that had been imposed upon him. My big lemon, longing to be squeezed.
Ready to draw all his juice. Gradually, and to my delight, he opened up to me. That’s when I discovered his unfortunate past.

He never knew his parents. They died in a thermonuclear accident in a country far far far away, when he was very young. Starving and alone, Cloro’s future appeared bleak and hopeless. That changed, however, when one day he was found by a panda, who raised him as his own. Before long, the panda was captured and Cloro was taken to a concentration camp for almond-eyed children.

It was such a stroke of luck that he escaped from there and ended up working in the international export of lemons.
It was Fate that brought us together

CLAUDIA: Moments like that and the birth of my daughter Clorofila have helped my life to make a complete one hundred and eighty degree turn… Farenheit or not farenheit? Oh, come on, don’t make me say this kinda stuff

And now, I’m gonna pray like big stars do: I am a cup, a teapot…

CLOROFILA: That’s nice, mami

CLOROFILA & CLAUDIA: A spoon… and a ladle!